When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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