Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
