so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
