Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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