I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
