Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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