I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
