WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
