dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
