WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
