I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
