he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
