cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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