She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
What a dumb baby whore.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
