Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
