Operation Purity has been aborted
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
