He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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