dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
