Define "chronic" masturbator.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
