lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
