tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
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