I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you made out with another girl for some wings
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
