can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
