Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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