I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
