Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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