Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
