A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
