We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
