i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
