I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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