I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
