I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize