He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
