this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
