i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
