Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
