I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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