Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
