he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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