You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
