all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
