Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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