time to smoke my breakfast
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
