Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so let's talk penis.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
