do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
my poor anus
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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