Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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