Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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