You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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