You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
