it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
