The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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