You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
