Heybabeimwearingurpanties
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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