What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
