where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
