I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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