the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
