Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
