I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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