You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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