Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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