Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
