I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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