Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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