The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I FOUND THE LEGS
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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