Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
