I like to think it a success when the cops are called
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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