He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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