Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
