I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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