Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
