k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
