My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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