she looked like the bat from fern gully.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
